Tuesday, September 18, 2012

This week’s assignment from the League: How to destroy the Death Star

This blog is a proud member of 'The League Of Extraordinary Bloggers'.

Write a step-by-step guide on how to do something. This could be a real world project or a fantastical one, so do with it as you will.

Challenge Accepted. Being a 'Star Trek' fan I have decided to take a Trek spin on this weeks challenge. There are talks about there being a new Star Trek series in the works so I've decided to do a step-by-step guide on what it takes to ruin Star Trek for television and film, thanks in part to watching former Trek head Executive Rick Berman at work. Now if the future Trek Head Executive is reading this consider this blog post as a 'Do-Not-Do' list. If you want to have a successful Trek television series follow none of these steps. These are the step-by-steps Rick Berman created for Trek television destruction. I'm simply pointing them out.

Step-By-Step Guide On What It Takes To Ruin Star Trek For Television & Film

1: When you have a successful Trek series doing well on TV and gaining viewers with each season create another Trek series! Exploit your viewers, they will watch anything that has 'Trek' in the title...not.

2: Bring Religion into 'Star Trek', because that's what every Trek viewer wants to see in their favourite show. Only change the names of important Religious symbols such as: The Pope = The Kai/ Cardinals = Vedicks, etc. Also God is actually an alien (actually several) who really don't care about us so be sure to point that out (The Prophets).

3: If you have a successful Trek series like 'Star Trek: The Next Generation' be sure to cancel it and replace it with a much inferior series, like 'Star Trek: Voyager'.

4: The Borg are a popular villain race in Trek, so be sure to over exploit that. Also be sure to have one of them join the crew and wear a skin tight outfit that really shows off the actresses T&A. Trekkies love their T&A and will most definitely be back for more each and every week! You can substitute female Borg T&A with female Vulcan T&A if needed for good storytelling.

5: If your stuck for a story idea just exploit the holodeck! You can have multiple episodes each and every season that simply take place in that room because its a magic room where imagination becomes reality and writers can be lazy.

6: When one Trek series ends be sure to put another one on the air within a few months because you don't want people forgetting about Star Trek.

7: Star Trek is a money making machine, it is literally a license to print money: So be sure to have the Trek brand on EVERYTHING, EVERYWHERE and in GREAT NUMBERS! Have so much Trek merchandise out there that it literally turns people off of Star Trek. Always exploit the brand for every possible penny.

8: If your Trek series gets the green light for feature film treatment be sure to do a terrible job on the scripts, completely ignore things established in the series, and be sure to make them as forgettable as possible.

9: Ignore Trek fans. They really don't know Star Trek as well as someone who never watched Star Trek, like Rick Berman.

10: When Star Trek finally dies a slow death, and your final series ends after just 4 seasons, be sure to do a final episode that makes no sense and is a slap in the face to the fans of that series. And bring back aged actors from a previous series and have them play their younger selves, despite the obvious fact that they have aged a lot and don't really look the way they did 11 years earlier.

Follow NONE of these steps and you will do better than Rick Berman.

Well that was fun. For more of 'The League Of Extraordinary Bloggers' check out these blogs:



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