Buddhism and me

(Continuing from my last post 'Where is God'?)

Now don't get me wrong I do believe in heaven. The universe is so complex and fascinating that there has to be something else when we die, there just has to be. We do not simply blink out of existence. Maybe God created the earth and gave us it and decided to leave us to our own devices; live and learn. Maybe he (or she) decided long ago to cut us loose, let us live and learn from our mistakes in life, have our lives be what makes us into the people we are for heaven. If that is the case then maybe God simply cannot pick and choose when to interfere, when to strike those down who deserve it, when to make his (or her) presence known.

When I met with my pastor for the first time he asked me if I thought I would be going to heaven when I died. I answered yes. he was a bit surprised that I was so sure as most people answer that question by saying "I don't know". I explained that once in 1997 a few months after my Grandpa passed away he came to me in a dream. This was no ordinary dream; I cannot relate into words why I feel this one was different it just was. I knew then that my Grandpa had saw my sorrow and guilt from heaven and he came to me to show me he was fine, and to tell me that he loved me. I awoke from that dream and cried and felt better than I had in months. So if my Grandpa was somewhere else after death he had to be in heaven. He was a great man and did good in his life; he was also quietly Christian and kept his beliefs to himself (I later found out), so the only logical conclusion is that he was in heaven. So if I live my life like he did I will be there too when my time comes. I don't know if my Pastor completely agreed with my analysis but it is what it is and no one can change my mind about that. But what if there was another explanation...

So after my Uncles death and my daughters statement about God I decided to study other faiths and see if I could find an answer. So I came to study Buddhism. Buddhism does not deal with heaven or God, and is more of a belief system than a religion. Buddhism deals with karma and reincarnation. If you do good in this world and create good karma you will be rewarded in this life or the next. And reincarnation means that when our journey ends in this life we will have another one. And if we create good karma in this life we will enjoy a good life in the next. But if we create bad karma in this life or a previous one it will affect us later in this life or the next. So in that theory if we die young in this life it could mean that karma has dictated that. Maybe the reason why someone dies unexpectedly is because they did something bad in this life or previous lives. For example: Maybe a man who dies suddenly at the age of 40, but was for all intents and purposes a good person, died because he took a life in a previous life. Maybe he was a solider fighting in a war in another life and because he killed a 40 year old man then he will die in this life as a 40 year old. Its karma coming full circle. But because he was a good man in this life he will live a full life in the next.

I honestly don't know what to believe. I call myself a Buddhist Christian because I believe in certain aspects of both but cannot commit fully to either. One day I will find out for myself, just hopefully not anytime soon.

Message From Grandpa

(I originally wrote this almost 4 years ago. Found it and it brought back a lot of memories.)

Grandpa Leonard

Grandpa back in his baseball days. (Picture art by my cousin Brandy Sarapuk)

 

I do believe there is a Heaven and my Grandpa Leonard is the reason why. Some people say that God has talked to them, but he (or she) has never talked to me, at least that I am aware. But someone from Heaven made contact with me and that was my Grandpa Leonard.

 

My Grandpa Leonard passed away when I was 17 years old. He had a massive stroke and was laying hospitalized for 5 days before he passed away. The day he died we all said our goodbyes to him knowing that he was going to pass away, but I wasn't sure that Grandpa was able to hear me because he was basically in a coma at that point. Grandpa passed away and for months after that day not one day went by that I didn't think about him. I felt guilty not knowing if Grandpa heard me that day saying goodbye to him and that I loved him. It consumed me with guilt and regret and not one day passed when I didn't feel that.

 

One night while sleeping, in my dream Grandpa came to me. In my dream I walked into our living room and Grandpa was sitting on the chair watching a Boxing match on the TV, which he did almost every Tuesday the last few years of his life. I realized in my dream that I was asleep and Grandpa was gone. I sat down next to Grandpa as he sat there watching the TV. I knew I was sleeping but this dream was different, I knew this was my Grandpa in my dream and not a figment of my imagination. I looked at him and he looked at me and I said "Grandpa, I love you and I miss you so much!". He held my hand and said "I know Chris and I love you, now and forever". And that was when I awoke, and I cried. I cannot explain what I felt that day but I know without a doubt that that was my Grandpa. From Heaven he saw my pain and suffering following his death and he took away that pain and suffering. I know it was him and I know he came to me from a better place. I never truly believed in Heaven before that day but now I know there is more out there, thanks to my Grandpa